Monday sucks.

Just a little venting (in random order):

• I have a test Wednesday that I am 100% unmotivated to study for,
  
• I still don't know what I'm doing with the rest of my life (post-OHSU rejection),
  
• it's COLD! in here (although the new arrangement is very homey),
  
• I just found my shrink is "out of network" which means instead of $40/week it's $200/week (yeah, like I have that kind of money)
  
• the sink is full of dishes even though Keith washed them yesterday,
  
• I have to work a 10-hour shift tomorrow,
  
• I don't have enough USB ports to run the optical mouse and the external hard drive...

Ok, I feel like taking a nap.

But I will study instead. Because that's what an adult would do.

And I'm trying to be an adult about all this crap.
But it's hard.

Mia didn't want in the pic.

all paths are possible

I am listening to Rancid's Rejected. LOUD.

I'm taking my rejection letter from OHSU as a sign that I need to go a more non-medical route. I am good with big picture stuff, I am super right-brained. I could apply next year and wait to see if I get in. But I choose to find a different path.

The application deadline for fall semester @ PSU is April 1.

...
Meanwhile I am still working on my Theory of Everything.
...

inspiration via Funksteena

Sauvie Island Sunday

We took a Zipcar (Flexcar's new pal) to Sauvie Island. (Sans dogs. We have to put them in a crate and we gave ours to the neighbors...) No problems with the Zipcar other than I have to re-learn to drive every time I get behind the wheel. It is not like riding a bicycle. I think I am still gun shy from the Prius Accident. The sky was clear and the sun was out. It was great to get out of the city. We found several possible bike rides and planned to get the bikes new tires and tuned up. We found a caboose right off the road on the way and decided to explore it. Now Keith wants to live in one. It was pretty cool. Then we drove around the island and came home. Pictures below.



Acceptance/rejection letters from OHSU are going out in the mail this week so in a few days I will be dealing with crushing disappointment or crushing pressure.

Do. Not.

PANIC.

Mid term tomorrow
9:30a.m.
I go study now.
Listen to my study music.


To relax, let's think about February 2006, shall we?





Ahhhhh...that's better.

Linky

chameleon-off: changing colors to signal others, not hide from predators


more information for my Theory of Everything: dark fluid


metal rubber: from Science Daily again, my new favorite blog


thinking about moving next summer; the dogs need a yard

beautiful algae


Uma Thurman's dad Bob is a famous Buddhist scholar;
in this 12:00 video he teaches how we can
use the internet to become enlightened
(the best of TED)


currently reading:
The Road


if you have Charles Bonnet Syndrome
you might see floating faces!

Back in the swing

Made it back home to Keither after a roadtrip to So.Oregon for a funeral. It's always a relief to not die while we're apart. It's much better to get back home. I felt relieved as soon as I was back in Portland. I had to ride the MAX home since there wasn't time to drop me off. The roads on the way home were terrible most of the way and it added quite a bit of time to the commute. Had some good chats with the family.

sunset at other rest stop (Friday p.m.)

power out @ rest stop (Sunday a.m.)

No work and only part of school this week. Lecture's been canceled both days due to weather/cold/snow. And I took Mon & Tues as bereavement days. (2) 10-hour days this week and then the weekend. Feels off. But I'm taking advantage of Doing Nothing.

Keith turned 39 Monday. We don't get each other presents or cards usually, it's not expected anyway. But I told him at the end of the day that I felt badly--like I should've done more for his birthday. What if he changed his mind and really did want something. I asked, he said nothing in particular.

My bank ate my student loan refund check today. I told my shrink I was getting itchy to spend some money on a new tattoo. But I have to be responsible, whatever that is, and pay some bills first. But you can be guaranteed my tax refund money will be spent on personal decoration. Having big chunks of money delivered in the mail is bizarre. Makes me lust for new tattoos, new computers, new things of all kinds that I don't really need. We're talking about saving money to move to some place that has a yard for the doggies. They need to be able to go outside more. Lazlo reminds me with his head on my lap, nudging my arm with his nose. Small whines. Pathetic look.

Still waiting to hear from OHSU. I've made several possible scenarios in my head and my response to them, although I'm sure one exists that I haven't thought of. Aside from my fears and concerns about going to OHSU, if I get in I'll be super excited so just forget I had any reservations.

"...the whole notion that someone has a 'career'
instead of just doing whatever you feel like doing
at any given time has always amused me
when it didn't make me wanna vomit." (Lester Bangs,
"An Instant Fan's Inspired Notes:
You Gotta Listen," 1980)

Through, apparently, no fault of my own I've been promoted at work to a position that is very conducive to my outside interests/school/day dreaming. No supervision, really. No production quotas. Cool smart people to work with. It's nice actually, I appreciate that my universe is conspiring with me in this way. Especially since I've recently become obsessed with finding A Theory of Everything. I have been assured by a medical professional that I am not "committable," so just go with it. So I spend a lot of my work days reading The Internets. One of the theories out there is String Theory, but no one knows of a way to prove it. And I certainly don't claim to be able to figure out how to do that---physicstalk puts me into a coma. However, quantum mechanics is a very interesting field to me and I've started keeping a notebook of information I think is related or can later be incorporated into a ToE. Mostly science, but also sociology, and the paranormal. I had an awakening a few weeks ago and I've been heading down this path ever since. It feels ridiculous to be thinking about such abstract and seemingly useless ideas, but what else do I have to think about? I mean Daily Life can only occupy so much of my brain capacity. So I am actively seeking information on: string theory, parallel universes, the paranormal, ADD, neurology, anatomy of the brain, DNA vs. RNA, consciousness, infinity... please contribute if you can. Did you hear about this surfer dude with a Ph.D. who submitted his ToE? To varied reactions.

We joined Flexcar and it appears they let us join. There was some concern on my end that the unfortunate incident with the rental car would keep us from joining. For all intents and purposes we should receive our Welcome Package in the mail this week or next. Which means: day trips out of the freakin city, buying items that are too large to carry home, taking the dogs to other dog parks and the river, etc. maybe even Sauvie Island!, grocery shopping outside of our walking radius (WinCo!) It's surprisingly cheap. Well, it all depends on the type of car you want and how long you need it, but it seems like it will be a good fit for us.

map of locations of available cars in PDX

funeral flowers

class was canceled so I studied in the cafeteria

I will moderate in 2008.

Yes, that's right. 2008 is all about moderation.
That may be challenged if I get into OHSU.
But a good practice nonetheless.

Here's a look back at 2007.

How much rain? Buckets.

Actually, a lot less than last year.
(seem like)

But along that theme, since it was plenty rainy today, something to listen to during the slideshow.
Buckets of Rain by Neko Case (Bob Dylan cover)

Breaking it up

That's right, no more school. Until Jan7. Only one class has posted grades, but it was the class I was struggling with most and I got a B, so I feel safe. The other two should be posted tomorrow. Then I can really breathe. I'm only taking one class next quarter--A&P part II, and not on the weekends, so Keith and I can spend more time together. My application to OHSU is in and I check the status online about every 17 hours. We got the bill for the Prius and it's about as much as we make in one year. I have to pester the other person's insurance co. to get the money to pay Dollar. Good times. I don't know what I'll be doing while I'm on break these next few weeks. Some reading, for sure. Something creative. We got the sewing machine out and prototypes are being made. It's Sunday and that means rest: Shomer shabbos!

Shut Yer Mouth!

Keith: Can you imagine what it's like to be Paul Rodgers? He was in Free, they got super popular, he was in Bad Company, and now he's the new Freddie Mercury.

Me: There is no new Freddie Mercury. You are a blasphemer!

Keith: You're right.
[stands up straight with his arms by his side]
I should be struck by a pink lightning bolt.

Sorry, baby, but I had to crash that Prius.

(Fabienne: Where's my Honda?
Butch: Sorry baby but I had to crash that Honda.)

This was the beginning of our Thanksgiving weekend.

A weekend that was supposed to be relaxing and easy turned a little stressful as we went through the intersection on Hwy 12 in Walla Walla, Washington. We rented this little blue Prius, a 2008 with less than 3500 miles on it, and crashed it. The Subaru's 18-year old driver pulled out in front of us---from a stop sign onto the highway--without even looking in our direction. Luckily I was slowing down, thinking she would see us and stop---but she didn't and we wrecked. Bad times. Everyone's ok and honestly although that's what everyone always says is the most important thing: it is. The dogs were shaken up but not injured. Keith scraped up his arm a bit, but nothing serious. Ended up getting a ride up to the Walla Walla airport and rented another car (without disclosing why we needed one).

My First Car Accident.

the doggies comfort each other in the new rental car

When fall comes on

My brain is firing a little sharper these days and I was very excited to get an A on my first A&P test. (But a B-/C+ on my lab test...booo. Average of B is still good, though.) I feel like I have been through brain summer camp, like when you have 2x day practices before the sports season and then you get the point where your legs don't burn anymore. I have the GRE next week and then I have to finish my application to OHSU. Ten page paper coming up in Human Development (psychedelics and human development--more on that later). Two more A&P tests (and 2 more lab tests), 1 more Micro test (one practicum today then one more). I'm writing this more as a reminder to myself.



Mia was chewing gum the other day. Keith asked her where she got it, but she wouldn't fess up. Then he saw she'd stepped in it and was trying to clean her paw. For once she had minty fresh breath.

"They're like presents on the street." I made the mistake of putting a movie called The Gleaners and I in our Netflix queue. About people who go through the fields after harvest to take the surplus that will otherwise go to waste. Then it morphs into urban gleaning, one guy didn't have to buy food for over 10 years--he scavenged it all. Hadn't been sick once from food poisoning. Still, braver than I. But the main theme of the movie was taking things people had thrown away and putting them to use. One guy said, "I am a retriever." Keith took notes. One day our house will filled with these presents Keith finds. But not in that way of the brothers who were smothered by their own junk.

my super cute husband

My grandpa was a collector. I'd say my dad is a collector. And my husband is a collector. It's an interesting thing.

We're pretty low-maintenance people. Keith's going to meet me downtown where we'll pick up dinner from Vegetarian House and head home....mmmmm... where we'll probably watch a movie on the couch with the dogs and eat chinese food together to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. We picked this date kinda arbitrarily because it's the first date we can both remember going on. Back when we were sneaking around the bagel shop and waking up to Blinded by the Light-volume at 11, sitting in Rick's car at the company barn dance? What was that? I don't know. There was hay in a barn. Oh yeah, it was Benjamin Ranch. I lived near The Plaza and Keith lived out in Lenexa so we split time between the two. Then in January, I think it was around Keith's birthday, we decided to live together. I really don't know what I was thinking. I was 18. He was 28. And now it's been 10 years and that's CRAZY. It's been good and it's been not all that great, but it's good now and only getting better. I'm really thankful for my husband and I keep finding out I love him more.

Here's a slideshow from our dog walk on Sunday. The fall leaves are beautiful here and the weather's been great, not much rain at all. This is the first year I've really liked fall as a season. I used to think of it as the end of summer.

Sunday

It was my first week on my new work schedule. Half a day Monday and off on Wednesday, 10-hour days for Tues, Thurs, Fri. The 10-hour days are a little much; I'm gone from the house from 7a-7:30p. But it seems to work with school and giving me time to get homework/studying done. I got an A on my first Microbiology quiz, so I'm feeling pepped up. Keith's been holding down the fort and having trouble occupying his time.

Amanda was in town this weekend to visit friends. We met up at Voodoo, cruised the Saturday Market, and then headed up to the Rose Garden. Keith and I hadn't been up there since last winter. It was very nice, great weather. So, here's a slideshow!

Swiftly

We're not birders. But these birds--Vaux's swifts-- are pretty neat. Apparently they have some kind of bird internet and on this bird internet there's a message board where they all read about coming to Chapman School. All month they come here every night before sunset and make a big bird tornado that goes down the chimney.



Here's a cool (and short) video from last night.


I started school last night. Microbiology. Micro for short, they say. Nothing over my head. 90 minutes of lecture on the history of Micro and then 90 minutes of lab. (Repeat 2x week for 11 weeks.) Refresher course on using a microscope. I have a cool lab partner, which is a relief. Why does college sometimes feel like PE class and I know I'm going to get picked last for dodgeball. So, instead I choose the seat by the door and wind up with someone cool. Take that, college!

It's a long arduous crowded MAX ride up to Interstate Ave. and then a super quick bike ride, about 7 blocks, to campus. But I think I can find an all-bike route and do that at least one way. Bonus: PB&J for dinner and a bike ride home will help me get skinny again.

I won't have much free time or brain power to spend on the internets (Keith is really upset about that) but I will try to write updates just to keep myself a little more sane.

The weekend of recuperation....ahhhhh

That was this weekend. When we watched TV all weekend (The Wire is good), ate horribly bad (nutritionally) but good (deliciously) food, and only ventured outside to take the dogs out. We were L-A-Z-Y. The last couple weeks had drained us so it was nice to charge our batteries.

Keith's mom flew out to go with us to Idaho over Labor Day weekend. So 3 adults and 2 dogs drove all night across 3 states. It was a little cramped and maybe I should have let the guy @ Dollar Rent-a-car upsell me to the Toyota Highlander, but I just couldn't justify the extra cost. And Monday on the ride home I got a knot in my back and Tuesday I went home early-- in hindsight that Highlander might have been a good choice.

We had a good visit with my family, but it wasn't as laid back as our usual trips to Kamiah. So we're hoping to make it back over for Thanksgiving for some real slow quality time. And I went to my 10-year reunion which was a lot less angst-y than high school, so maybe it's true that we've all grown up a little. It seemed to be. I think I was one of three or four in our class that hadn't reproduced--a distinction I am happy to have. It was really nice to see everyone actually, although there were a few people missing.

I also got to see my friend the day after she had her baby. I called her today to see how she's doing and she was excited to tell me that she's back down to her pre-pregnancy weight----2 weeks later. Sheeeesh. She sounds like she is doing well and Matthew sounds like an easy baby. He sure is a cutie, especially for a newborn. (see slideshow) Matthew's dad is Native American and they gave Matthew Bad Boy Grizzly Bear as a middle name (in Nez Perce). That's about the most bad ass middle name I've ever heard.

Here's a slideshow of the weekend, in summary.


I am getting sweaty palms about the upcoming school year. Classes start in 2 weeks! Today I had a mini-panic attack when I read that my application to the OHSU program is due December 1st and I won't be done with my prereq's until spring, but I was assured that credits in progress are ok as long as I'm done by next summer (when the OHSU program starts). So that's good news.

But that also means I have to take the GRE, get my references/recommendations, and crank out an essay by 12/1. Working full time and taking a full load of anatomy/physiology, microbiology, and human development classes in the meantime means I am pretty glad to have the next couple weeks to do As Little As Possible.

Luckily, this is something I've practiced and become quite good at.

(and I would fail that portion of the GRE in which it is forbidden to place prepositions at the end of the sentence)

Portland Adult Soapbox Derby etc.

Yesterday we hiked up to the Soapbox Derby and it was great.
It was on a course at Mt. Tabor (extinct volcano!).
Mt. Tabor makes Portland one of only two cities in the continental U.S. to have an extinct volcano within its boundaries; the other city is Bend, Oregon. The volcanic features of Mt. Tabor became known in 1912, years after it became a public park. The volcanic cinders discovered in the park were later utilized in surfacing the park's roads.

I made a slideshow, but you'll see most of the soapbox on the second page of it...so keep going. We stayed for a couple hours and left when we started seeing the same cars, so we don't know who won. They ran several heats of 3 cars at a time. Keith took notes and is already brainstorming his entry for next year. He will consult his father-in-law over Labor Day weekend. Maybe come up with some schematics. This is not 'Nam, there are rules.

Overheard at the derby:
"Heads up, Godzilla!"
"I'm, like, by now you have to have seen The Matrix."
"Well, you know if we get hit, we get hit."
"Deploy the parachute!"

Marker

Last week I did what I've been wanting to do since almost last December or so:

I got a new tattoo that marks my surviving the past couple of years. This is a very personal tattoo, and when I explain it to people it either sounds ridiculously cheesy or slightly psychotic. In reality, in my reality, it is neither. I knew several elements that I wanted to incoporate and I took a very rough mock up to a studio and Ed drew up the design for me. I was a little nervous because I'd picked the shop b/c it was Painless Steel (a branch of where we went in Missoula) but when we got there it wasn't Painless anymore. I talked with Ed and looked at his portfolio and he gave me a price quote and told me some ideas for the design. A couple weeks later (last Wednesday) I went back to the shop. Ed showed me the design and I was amazed. It was so much better than I could have imagined. At that point any remaining reservations I had were gone. 2 hours later, I walked out with this.

After it heals, in about 7 days, I'll go back for the rest: filling in the butterflies, shading, touch ups. Then it will be finished. When I got home to show Keith he was equally amazed. So despite some trepidation about it not being Painless Steel, Ed @ Anatomy Tattoo won our business for the foreseeable future.

And that afternoon I met Matt Gone. He works down the street from our building and we see him pretty often but I'd never talked to him. He saw my fresh tattoo and gave me his business card. He said he'd just gotten a new one, too, and lifted his pant leg which was entirely covered in tattoos. And he pointed to a train and said it was a I-think-I-can train. Ok.

from his website:

"I just wanted to do something nearly impossible before I die.

I was also born with birth defects. The tattoos hide them and make my body something I can be proud of instead of hating.

This project began in 1990 and has cost over $65,000 so far. $20,000 of that was earned as a dishwasher in New Orleans' French Quarter."

Interesting guy. He's been on Ripley's Believe It or Not. And he's been tattooed by The Enigma!

See, Mom--it could be worse.

We're still making the new apartment home-y. Keith hung these frames. All free from the guy who used to have this apt.

We're going to paint the wall. And then hang some Items in the frame. 2-d. 3-d. Recycled paint is only $5/gal, so I think we're going that route. Brick red? Gray?

Here's a photo straight out of the 90s, color-wise from our dog walk the other day. This is my sister circa 1992, in leaf form. Ok, me, too. But she was the color coordinating freak.

The dogs have been crazy for the outside lately. Lazlo lays down on the sidewalk, wherever. So I try to take them to the park in the afternoons, or a walk. And Keith takes them off leash to the triangle in the mornings.

Couch Park

The Triangle

sharing is caring

The End.

Friday Night Slides

Week in review,
Blankenship style

Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate

or: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

That's what it says above the door at Dante's.
Keith and I decided to go out Saturday night to see Deadbolt--"The Scariest Band in the World." We don't go out that often because we're cheap and lazy, and we usually think it sounds like a good idea in advance but when the time rolls around we say, Aw, let's just stay home and watch Netflix. But Keith found Deadbolt on the internet a while back and we saw their poster by chance on a dog walk last week.

Deadbolt, and the 2 bands that opened for them, can probably be described as psychobilly bands: "a mix between late-1970s punk and 1950s American rockabilly." Well, ok the first band, Cold Hearted Trio, was more rockabilly than psychobilly. And, ok, the second band (Dead Man's Hand) calls themselves "666% metalbilly." But I think you can imagine they're all in a similar category. So here's a sample of our night, and the rest of the weekend if you keep going through to the second page. I'm digging this slideshow feature thingy.



Of course after we had a great time we said, once again, We should do this more often. And our chance is coming up---MusicFest NW! Keith and I recently watched a documentary called You're Gonna Miss Me about Roky Erickson; he basically invented psychadelic rock with his band The 13th Floor Elevators. From his website: "The Elevators only had one chart hit, the Roky-penned You're Gonna Miss Me, but their influence was far reaching. R.E.M., ZZ Top, T-Bone Burnett, The Jesus and Mary Chain, and The Cramps have all either recorded or played live versions of Roky's songs. In addition to these performers, Roky is an acknowledged influence on such diverse musicians as Robert Plant, Janis Joplin, Patti Smith, Henry Rollins, The Butthole Surfers, Jon Spencer, and current indie hit-makers The White Stripes." So, we were amazed by the movie. He's one of those people that the music flows out of effortlessly--someone who is made to make music. Check out this video!


Struggling with drug abuse and schizophrenia, Roky spent 3 years in Rusk State Hospital after pleading insanity on marijuana charges. After losing interest in music, he became a recluse, living in poverty and filth until his brother was granted guardianship of Roky and has helped him get his life back on track. (from imdb.com)

So, anyway....we're definitely going to that. And there's a few other bands that I might try to drag Keith to. Okkervil River, Horse Feathers, Spoon. This is all happening the week after we get back from Kamiah (Labor Day weekend).

And I will have some exciting news to share next week, but for now that is a surprise. (Does not involve dogs or children.)

Trying out a new feature

for Spontaneous Combustion



but doesn't work on Wordpress. Booooo.