Tuesday, March 6, 2007

A Job I Want: (seriously)

Job Description
The oldest and largest “first-call” service in Oregon, we specialize in the professional, dignified, and compassionate removal and transportation of decedents from place of death to a funeral home or other agency. Candidates must be available for 12-hour shifts and be capable of handling multiple detail-oriented tasks (check) oten times while dealing with grieving and highly upset family members (I could handle this). Applicants must have an excellent driving record (pretty good), must be able to lift heavy loads repeatedly (yes), and must wear professional business attire (I know where I can get some). Knowledgeable staff will train candidates for employment; there is no experience necessary for the position. Applicants should expect to deal with a multitude of difficult situations, including scenes that might be considered horrific to the general public (um, hmmm), with dignity and respect at all times. Only serious applicants should apply (I am serious).

Skill Requirements
Ideal applicant is a responsible (pretty much) and mature (generally speaking) high school graduate (I'll see your HS diploma and raise you a B.A.) with an excellent driving record, professional appearance, and ability to lift heavy loads routinely and safely. We are looking for someone with an affinity for detail, likes helping people (yes), and has exceptional report-writing skills (yes!). Good penmanship is a definite plus (oh yes). You need to be neat (ok), very organized (can be), confidential (what? I don't know what you're talking about...), and know your way around town (or at a minimum be able to show proficiency at map-reading) (check and check). In addition, you must possess superior inter-personal skills as you will be with a partner for extended periods of time (yes), and will be expected to work with different personnel on a daily basis. Applicants must also be willing to operate independently at times (sure), and can also be expected to make long trips transporting decedents (I'll play the radio really loud). Knowledge of, or familiarity with, cots (gurneys) is preferred (no), and experience being around deceased (some) is helpful, but neither is required. Experience with driving vans, especially backing up vans is also a plus (my newly acquired skill---not only can I back it up, I can parallel park Andy's van!).

I *heart* Craigslist.


kntgrl said...

So you'll be checking the bins for some professional business attire?

Right on~

stephen said...

this photo reminds me of the movie "Mother, Jugs and Speed" with Bill Cosby, Rachel Welch and Harvey Keitel....hmmm, I should put that in my Netflix queue