Dogs, you are ON Notice!

Let it be known, and I have, that recently there have been some unacceptable behaviors that we need to discuss. And by discuss I mean: LISTEN UP.

Your contributions to the organization are numerous and valuable. However, sometimes a certain disregard toward certain undergarments of a certain member of uppermanagement threatens to disrupt this mostly-harmonious vibe we have going on. I know you will claim in your defense that it is simply your nature that requires you to devour my undies, chewing, endorphins, blah blah blah. However, this is nothing I have ever seen on Mutual of Omaha/Jeff Corwin/Jack Hannah. Dogs do not stalk underwear in the wild.

Please, for the common good, I have to demand that you please stay out of the laundry. (And the trash! I don't need a contact lens case stabbing the arch of my foot any time before it's Turn On The Light Time (after 5:00a). I don't need light to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Unless I am concerned about Bouncing Bettys.)

Apparently this is a common issue (the eating of the garments) with your kind. When I Google "dog eat underwear," there are 1,220,000 results. Frankly, that' s no excuse! You must adhere to the stated rules of this organization if you see yourselves here long-term. Lazlo, you've been onboard longer than Mia and you certainly know what is expected of you in this relationship. Please take seriously your responsibility to be a good model for Mia. She grew up running the streets of New Orleans, for Todd's sake!

Me, having to clean up your puke right now--probably because you ate my underwear!-- I don't consider that courteous at all. Oh, I see, pieces of the kitchen rug, too. Well, I guess that clears up that.

Let's see a change in attitude around here, team. Come on, we're better than this!
I don't want to have this conversation again. Savvy?